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This is the 10% Happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris.

Hello, everybody. How we doing?

With Valentine's Day approaching, here is a provocative question.

How are you contributing to what is not working in your love life? Let that one sit with you. That question, which comes from today's guest, the relationship coach, Jillian Tarecki, reminds me of another question, one that my executive coach, Jerry Colonna, poses to people all the time. How are you complicit in the conditions you say you don't want?

He usually asks that question in a work context, but either way, it's a very powerful thing to contemplate. It's one thing to complain about the dynamics in your love life or your work life.

And I want to be clear that's okay sometimes. But often often and probably more often than we're comfortable

it is incredibly helpful to take a look at our own shit to grow up and take some responsibility

it may not be fun at first or ever but it often pays off and i say this from no small amount of

experience i hope it's obvious that this is not victim blaming.

Sometimes there are unacceptable dynamics that necessitate a departure.

With that caveat aside, however, I'm a huge fan of skillful self-inquiry.

Anyway, so back to my guest, Jillian Turecki.

She has written a new book.

It's called It Begins With You, and in it, she explores nine

hard truths about romantic relationships. In this conversation, we talk about the difference between

lust and love, how to make the idea of self-love more than an empty cliche, how to be honest with

your partner, the myth of finding the one, how and why to be your best self,

even after you have exited the honeymoon stage where you're trying to win the other person

over, and why if you want a successful relationship, and this may be tough to hear,

you have to make peace with your parents. We'll get started with Jillian Tarecki right after this.

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