117 - Friday Fix: How to Reframe Your Shame

The Verywell Mind Podcast

Dotdash Media Inc.

Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Mental Health, Education

5 • 703 Ratings

🗓️ 29 October 2021

⏱️ 9 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Shame is a painful feeling we all experience at one time or another. It often involves a deep-rooted fear that someone is going to find out about a mistake we made or a character flaw we have. When we feel shame, we want to hide from everyone. And it can lead to isolation and suffering. It’s a frequent topic of conversation in therapy. Sometimes shame stems from past trauma. At other times, it is triggered by feelings of not being good enough. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to address your shame. And when you do, you can begin to thrive. In this episode, I share the most helpful thing you can do to start addressing your shame. I also talk about the difference between shame and guilt, how our upbringing affects our shame, and why parents shouldn’t shame their kids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Very Well Mind podcast. We've interviewed over 100 authors, experts, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, and others to help you learn strategies to care for your mental health.
0:22.9	This episode is hosted by psychotherapist and bestselling author Amy Morin. Now let's get into the episode.
0:53.4	Okay. Every Friday, I share a quick mental strength exercise that will help fix the thoughts, feelings, and actions that can drain you of the mental strength you need to be your best.
0:56.1	Today I'm talking about how to reframe your shame.
1:01.1	People often confuse guilt with shame, and they're closely related on the surface.
1:06.2	Guilt involves feeling bad about something regardless of whether anyone knows.
1:10.2	You might conclude you made a bad choice and opt to do better in the future,
1:11.3	simply because you want to be a better person.
1:13.7	Shame, on the other hand, involves a deep-rooted fear that someone's going to find out what
1:17.6	you've done and judge you harshly.
1:20.4	Consequently, shame might cause you to lie and destroy any evidence that you messed up,
1:25.6	because you're desperate to preserve your reputation. Scientists can see
1:29.4	the difference in the brain when they examine people who experience guilt versus shame. In MRIs,
1:35.3	shame sets off high activity in the right area of the brain, but not in the amygdala.
1:40.2	Guilt activates the amygdala and their frontal lobe, which ultimately means that shame is just a much more complex emotion.
1:47.5	Keep in mind that guilt can be healthy.
1:49.7	If you feel guilty that you yelled at someone, for example, you might make an effort to keep your cool next time.
1:55.8	Shame isn't healthy, however. It causes us to hide things.
2:00.0	And it reinforces unhealthy beliefs about ourselves,
2:02.9	like, I'm not good enough. That leads us to believe that we just aren't capable of doing any better.
2:08.9	So rather than think, I made a bad choice or something bad happened to me, you'll believe I'm a bad
2:15.4	person. But we often confuse the two. In fact, sometimes parents think it's a good
	...

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