117: My College-Bound Kid Is "Soiling the Nest." Help!

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

Dr. Lisa Damour/Good Trouble Productions

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 2 May 2023

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What’s the best way for parents to respond when their high school senior wants to spend every waking minute with friends? A mom writes in asking if it's okay to require her teen to spend time with the family before heading off to college. Dr. Lisa walks us through the complex psychological dynamics unfolding for high school seniors and their parents. Teens are often working to consolidate a new identity and can be remote and prickly around the house. Parents often feel annoyed with their college-bound kid and, simultaneously, like they aren't ready to let go. Do teens continue to hold their folks at arms length? What about the example being set for younger siblings? Dr. Lisa answers these questions and more. AVAILABLE NOW: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa Damour. Available at www.DrLisaDamour.com and everywhere books are sold. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm Rina Ninean and this is Ask Lisa, the Psychology of Parenting Podcast.
0:10.8	It's a podcast to help parents better understand their kids.
0:14.5	Dr. Lisa DeMore, a psychologist with three decades of experience, and the author of three
0:20.0	New York Times best-selling parenting books
0:22.3	takes your questions.
0:23.7	Both of us are moms ourselves,
0:25.6	and we're eager to hear from you.
0:27.2	So send us your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.Lisadamore.com
0:31.5	and join our community by following us on Instagram,
0:34.5	Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter at Ask Lisa Podcast.
0:39.5	Episode 117, my college-bound kid is Soiling the Nest. Help.
0:46.9	I kind of wish that I could be a high school senior right now.
0:52.2	Right? I mean, this is when you you senioritis kicks in and it's okay.
0:56.6	It's okay. I will tell you, my sixth grader said to me the other day, is it too soon for me to
1:02.4	have senioritis? And I said, yes, yes, it is. No, it kicks in and they are usually, it's loaded, actually. I was about to say they're usually enjoying themselves.
1:14.3	It's complicated, right? There's a lot of big feelings swirling around for high school seniors right now.
1:19.0	We could do a whole episode on that, but we're not going to today.
1:22.3	We're actually going to talk about something, though, about kids. And they leave the nest or they're at the nest and they're in
1:28.6	the nest and how they can sort of affect the family dynamics, Lisa. We got this letter. It says,
1:33.6	Hi, Dr. Lisa, and Rina. Our eldest will be starting college in the fall. She's now hanging with
1:38.3	friends and all the time trying to spend weekends away with friends, as if it's her job.
1:43.2	Is this a normal form of, quote,
	...

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