#1452 - Greg Fitzsimmons

The Joe Rogan Experience

Joe Rogan

Comedy

4.6 • 228.6K Ratings

🗓️ 2 April 2020

⏱️ 192 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Greg Fitzsimmons is a writer and stand-up comedian. He also hosts a podcast with Alison Rosen called “Childish" available on Spotify. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Gregory, how you hold it up? I am holding it up. Although not as much as I would like to be holding it up like that's the I think that's a lot
0:13.2	people talking about all the different constraints of this pandemic.
0:19.7	masturbation has gone by the wayside for a lot of people.
0:22.6	If you live at a two bedroom apartment
0:24.4	and you got two kids, you know.
0:27.6	You gonna have to jerk off while you're shitting. It's the only time you have.
0:35.0	That's a lot of toilet paper you're wasted.
0:39.0	Bring your phone in there with you.
0:41.0	Set up some new porn on the ledge.
0:43.0	Yeah, right.
0:44.0	And you gotta land it just right.
0:46.0	You gotta let it squirt and then come down between your legs into the water.
0:50.0	You gotta point down, you gotta hurt yourself.
0:52.0	You gotta... You gotta go overhand. Yeah Yeah like you're going deep in the third gear.
0:55.6	I gotta hearst.
1:00.0	Hearst!
1:07.0	Yeah, that's the thing is like, and I've never been a shower guy. And especially now that I'm, I'll be 54 on Wednesday.
1:12.0	I'm a bath guy. I'll be 54 on Wednesday.
1:12.5	I'm a bath guy.
1:14.4	No, I meant for jerking off.
1:17.4	I remember jerking off in the bath once and it just floated.
1:22.4	It's
	...

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