171: Should I Snoop on My Teen?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

Dr. Lisa Damour/Good Trouble Productions

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 21 May 2024

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How do parents balance their wish to know about their kids’ lives with their teens’ right to privacy? Dr. Lisa and Reena talk through the tension of respecting teens’ autonomy while staying informed as parents, particularly in the context of teenagers keeping personal journals. A letter from a thoughtful mother of four teenagers raises important questions about navigating boundaries and fostering open communication. Dr. Lisa explores the ethical implications of secretly reading a teen’s journal and highlights the importance of also preserving trust.. She provides insights into why teenagers may close themselves off from their parents and offers alternative strategies for maintaining connection and support. Reena asks what the research says about the costs and benefits of snooping in order to learn more about our kids. Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Product Codes: Get 15% off LolaVie with the code ASKLISA at https://www.lolavie.com/ASKLISA #lolaviepod

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm Rina Ninean and this is Ask Lisa, the Psychology of Parenting Podcast.
0:10.7	It's a podcast to help parents better understand their kids. Dr. Lisa DeMore, a psychologist with three
0:17.2	decades of experience, and the author of three New York Times best-selling parenting
0:21.8	books takes your questions. Both of us are moms ourselves, and we're eager to hear from you.
0:27.1	So send us your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.LisaDemore.com. And you can join our community by
0:32.8	following us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. The handle is Ask Lisa Podcast.
0:38.5	And also subscribe to our brand new YouTube channel, Ask Lisa Podcast.
0:43.7	Episode 171.
0:45.5	Should I Snoop on my teen?
0:53.1	Is there an age where you think roughly children stop telling you things, like they shut down?
1:00.0	Yes, it depends for kids, but usually it's around 12, 13.
1:06.2	They just become more private.
1:08.6	They want to hold their cards much closer to the best.
1:12.0	Why?
1:12.6	Because I still want to know everything.
1:14.1	I know.
1:15.1	I mean, I'm going to be the 82-year-old mom who still wants to know everything from her 45-year-old kid.
1:21.2	There's so many reasons.
1:23.2	One of them, right, which we've thought through before, is they suddenly want their independence.
1:28.8	They're trying to become independent while living under our roofs. And so a big part of how they
1:33.2	do it is they become more psychologically independent. They just start keeping things that they used
1:37.7	to tell us. They stop telling us. Nothing has really changed or nothing much may have changed,
	...

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