#344 Adam Lane Smith - The Problem with Modern Relationships
Real Talk with Zuby
Zuby
4.8 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 2 January 2025
⏱️ 86 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Adam Lane Smith is an internationally recognised expert in Attachment Theory and a former licensed marriage and family therapist. Today, as an author, speaker, and media personality, Adam helps people learn the power of secure attachment.
Zuby and Adam discuss relationship challenges for high performers, attachment issues among varying demographics, today’s ‘harsh survival conditions’, and how different cultures approach attachment. Adam also explains gender dynamics, nature vs nurture, attachment behaviours, and the challenges of modern relationships.
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Timestamps:
(00:00) Introduction
(02:42) Challenges for high performers
(05:32) Demographics experiencing attachment issues
(12:35) ‘Harsh survival conditions’
(18:04) Boomer vs Gen Z attachment issues
(20:53) Nation variance
(25:38) Gender differences
(34:32) “Oxytocin being weaponised”
(36:30) Nature vs nurture
(50:16) The societal attachment issue cycle
(57:09) Marriage & birth rate declines
(1:02:25) Governments involvement in marriage
(1:13:07) Solution: 2 forms of marriage
(1:21:31) Words of encouragement
(1:23:46) Outro
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Transcript
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| 0:55.9 | The human brain is meant to operate as a pack mammal, meaning that we are meant to feel safe when we are in close, safe proximity with other mammals. |
| 1:05.6 | We are accepted by them. We groom with each other. We co-regulate. We feel safe against predators when we have a |
| 1:12.1 | close, connected tribe where we will not be cast out. So when we grow up with attachment issues, |
| 1:17.6 | we are mimicking the conditions of a country like Sierra Leone, where they have such a massively |
| 1:23.0 | high infant mortality rate and violence rate that the mothers have disconnected emotionally from bonding |
| 1:28.2 | with their children for the first year of life. Sociologists are studying this right now. When mom is |
| 1:33.2 | emotionally disconnected from you, for whatever reason, your brain early on says, I must be living in Sierra Leone. |
| 1:40.7 | Even if you're living in like upstate New York, relaxed in a mansion, |
| 1:45.2 | if mom is disconnected to that extent from trauma and challenges, your brain tags in and lives |
| 1:51.1 | as if you're living in those conditions. |
| 1:55.9 | I have the man sick with the slang. Sinking I'm destined for fame. |
| 1:59.6 | Two for the fam, not for the grand. It's not destined for fame do for the fam not for the grand |
| 2:01.1 | stunt me a destined for pain I do not frown I do not scam put some respect on my name sick like |
| 2:06.5 | a pain clicking a bang y'all gonna remember the name you're gonna remember the name what's up ladies and |
... |
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