Hi, this is Chris Howard from the Plug-Duer-Cris Hard Podcast, and I'm taking the bingles over the Ravens in their game January 8th.

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Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. Today I'm here with Feedback Friday producer Mike Comrad and conveyance, Gabriel Mizrahi.

On the Jordan Harbinger show we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you.

We want to help you see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave.

And our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker so you can get a much deeper understanding of how the world works and make sense of what's really happening even inside your own mind.

If you're new to this show on Fridays we give advice to you, we answer listener questions. The rest of the week we have long form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from athletes to authors, spies to CEOs, thinkers and performers.

Now if you're joining us for the first time or you're looking for a handy way to tell your friends about the show, we now have episode starter packs.

These starter packs are collections of popular episodes organized by topic that'll help new listeners if that's you or a friend help you get a taste of everything that we do here on the show, you know, you might not want an athlete, you might want a mafia enforcer, so we got it all laid out right there.

Just visit Jordan Harbinger dot com slash start to get started this week we had Sam Harris returning to the show always a great discussion.

If you're a Sam Harris fan, we also had my friend Rob Reed back on the show talking about how one day we may accidentally print or design our own pandemic and I don't know kill half the planet.

So that's kind of a terrifying one always an interesting conversation with him though, I also write every so often on the blog my latest post the right way to get your foot in the door really enjoyed writing this one in this piece.

Talk about the most common mistake that employees freelancers vendors really anybody trying to pitch themselves the most common mistake that they make when they talk to prospective employers had to approach those conversations in a way that dramatically increases your chances of actually securing a job, a contract, a role, whatever it is you're trying to close, it's all about how to figure out what someone needs before you try to sell them on what you want.

This is gold for anyone looking to find a new job succeed as a freelancer or just increase their revenue in general remember I spent years doing those jobs and now I've spent the last several years hiring for those jobs I've experienced on both sides of the equation and I think I like to think I've got something that other people aren't writing about it's not put yourself out there and smile and have a firm handshake we go well well beyond all that tight crap.

So make sure you've had a look and a listen to everything we created for you here this week the post by the way Jordan Harbinger dot com slash articles and of course the episodes right here in the podcast feed you can reach us for feedback Friday shows Friday at Jordan Harbinger dot com please keep your emails concise descriptive subject lines do help also include the state and country that you live in that'll help us with detailed advice.

So if there's something you're going through a big decision you're wrestling with or you need a new perspective on stuff life love work what to do if your special needs son is targeted by an absolute psychopath whatever's got you staying up at night lately hit us up Friday at Jordan Harbinger dot com we're here to help we keep every email anonymous Gabe what's the first thing we got.

Dear Jordan and Gabe about 10 years ago I was the perpetrator in an abusive relationship well I don't want to share graphic details my stomach turns when those memories blast their way to the front of my mind on top of that I was prone to angry outbursts insensitive comments and conversational indiscretion among friends in short I was a toxic monstrous and all around unlikable guy I alienated everyone around me and dropped out a university as I circled a rock bottom drain then after surviving a violent robbery my perspective shift.

I enrolled in a new university and graduated with honors I dove into books and podcasts so I could tear down my toxic mindsets and beliefs and rebuild calmer gentler stronger more humble and better informed ones in their place after working with a therapist for the past year I've identified strong patterns of self sabotage and self hatred as I oscillate between healthy lifestyle choices and chronic binge drinking smoking and eating.

I now work overseas as an English teacher trainer who helps EFL teachers develop greater confidence in speaking English I have a long way to go and I'm far from perfect but I feel different from the self absorbed entitled angry creature who stood in my shoes 10 years ago yet I have to say that my life feels grossly unfair had I received any kind of justice for my past transgressions I'd likely be barred from teaching possibly do prison time and likely sit on some kind of registry I feel like my white and male privilege earned me a free pass from my

gregious mistakes while I'm happy with the friends I've made since moving abroad I've pursued few close friendships and almost zero romantic relationships in the last decade partly because I feel unworthy of connection with other people and partly because I have an intense fear of causing them pain finally last year I was overcome with guilt and imposterism and I shared a blog post outing myself as a former abuser

the ensuing discussion among my friends struck a polarizing nerve some respected my courage in owning up to my past so publicly while others condemned me for not doing enough to prove that I've changed and I received a hodgepodge of advice from you should be more vocal and anti sexist and anti patriarchy social movements to you should covertly send a cash payment to your ex as reparation abusing as free therapy is not you should just go on with your life and influence those around you as positively as you can.

In the end I did make a large anonymous donation to a reputable charity that supports victims of intimate partner violence I also deleted my Facebook and my blog post and even deactivated my blog entirely this fall I'll be returning to the US to start a graduate program with a fully funded TA position while I'm excited I'm also scared that my crushing guilt and feelings of unworthiness will follow me and sabotage my potential deep down I feel like I just don't deserve it.

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