Welcome to this week's episode of the Modern Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Cook. In today's

episode, I'll be answering a listener's question about a situation we've probably all found

ourselves in at some point.

How can I have a conversation with my overly critical boss? Before I get into that,

in episode 612 of the Modern Mentor podcast, I interviewed Irshad Manji, author of Don't Label

Me, a book about how to do diversity in the workplace. Throughout September,

I'll begin each episode with a quick bonus segment, in which she shares answers to a few

of the most challenging follow-up questions I've received. Today, Earshad answers this question.

I want to express interest in and curiosity about a colleague from a different culture,

but I'm afraid of offending them. How can I ask in a way that is tactful without triggering a

defensive response? In a situation like this, you want to build trust with your colleague.

Psychology would say that the very best way to build trust is by going first

in the vulnerability department. So, for example, you can say to your colleague, you know,

I've been wanting to ask you a question about your culture, but I'm afraid it'll come off sounding

ignorant. Is it okay if I ask anyway? By seeking permission, you've already lowered your

colleague's emotional defenses. You've treated that person with respect. So they'll likely say,

go ahead, which means you can have the conversation with confidence because you first entered it

with humility. Remember the phrase, confident humility.

And when you practice that in launching, frankly, any difficult dialogue,

whether it's about culture or a negotiation, or you need to disagree with something,

confident humility is an effective approach.

It starts by asking a sincere question for the sake of

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