The

The Merry Christmas, everybody. Wow.

Los Angeles, California, Little Tokyo, Aratani Theater. We have one

thing to say to you tonight. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And welcome to the Chapo

Trap House, episode one, Christmas Variety Special for all good and boys, all good boys and girls.

There's only one place to be, and that's here for our Yule Tide variety show.

And we've got our elves working on a number of great presents for you.

We hope that you're ready to chase away the Hanukkah dragon.

Gole.

And bring in the great Christmas and amazing new year

with some exciting holiday romances

and daring holiday presents.

If you've never given anyone a daring present for Christmas,

fuck you.

Well, I can sense a pervasive sense of anxiety from the audience tonight.

And I know, I mean, I know why it is.

It's the, they don't know what presents to get their loved ones for Christmas.

A lot of people wait till the last minute like this, and it is, you know, I call it stress miss when that happens.

Like, I have a perfect Christmas gift that I really want, but I don't know how to tell anybody.

Oh, come on, Branson. You can share this with a few friends on stage. No one's listening.

Well, it's a little corny, but, well, I guess what I really want for Christmas this year is World Peace.

It's a new street drug based off of original recipe oxy.

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