Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking the Good Girl Syndrome (with Terri Cole)
Made To Thrive
Kris Carr
5 • 702 Ratings
🗓️ 16 October 2024
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Are you the person trying to fix everything for everybody all the time? Even with the best intentions, your meddling could be costing you and your relationships more than you realize. I couldn't think of a better guest to unpack this with me than my old friend Terri Cole. I've sought her advice for years and after today you will too. She's a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert with over 25 years of experience helping people set clear and healthy boundaries, and now Terri turns the mirror on ourselves with her new book, "Too Much." It's a powerful wake-up call to how and why we undermine the people we care about by overdoing, over-fixing, and playing the hero––a behavior that she refers to as "high functioning codependency." And most importantly, she lays out a clear roadmap for breaking out of this cycle and towards more balanced and rewarding relationships––with others and with ourselves. So tune in fellow control-freaks and people-pleasers, this episode is for you!
WE DISCUSS:
-(02:05): Defining high-functioning codependency
-(05:05): The fine line between caring and meddling
-(11:32): How codependency impacts you and others
-(23:10): The importance of self-consideration and learning to say no
-(31:24): Breaking free from "good girl syndrome"
-(35:38): Balancing ambition with self-care in different stages of life
CONNECT WITH TERRI COLE
Terri's book, "Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency"
CONNECT WITH KRIS
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I am a recovering fixer. |
| 0:04.0 | When it's coming from a place of anxiety, I feel out of balance if I'm not fixing. |
| 0:11.4 | Yep. |
| 0:11.9 | What do we do? |
| 0:13.3 | Well, first of all, recognizing that the cost to us, which we just talked about, but we also have to honestly recognize the cost to other people. |
| 0:21.9 | Their autonomy, we have to honestly recognize the cost to other people. Their autonomy. |
| 0:23.4 | We have to learn to accept people where they are. |
| 0:26.2 | And when we're trying to fix them, we're not doing that. |
| 0:28.4 | People become projects. |
| 0:30.2 | We become kind of the boundary tramplers. |
| 0:32.9 | And we don't even know it. |
| 0:37.0 | Welcome to Made to Thrive. |
| 0:38.9 | I'm your host, New York Times bestselling author Chris Carr, |
| 0:42.3 | and it's my mission to help you feel better, live bolder, and create a more meaningful |
| 0:47.3 | life. |
| 0:48.3 | Let's get started, my friend. |
| 0:54.0 | Are you the person doing it all for all the people all the time? Well, my guest today is here to help you break the cycle of overdoing so that you can start living a more joyful, balanced life. Terry Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert with over 25 years of experience in helping people set healthy boundaries and embrace their authentic selves. |
| 1:18.9 | Terry is also the best-selling author of Boundary Boss, and she's here to discuss her latest book Too Much, which explores the concept of high functioning codependency and the |
| 1:29.8 | pressure to be just right. If you're a recovering control freak, fixer, or overgiver, you'll love |
| 1:37.1 | this conversation. Let's dive in. Terry Cole, my friend who I love so much, welcome to Made to Thrive. |
| 1:43.8 | I mean, we've known each |
| 1:44.9 | other for 30 plus years. We have. I know we look very good for being friends since being in |
... |
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