Donald Trump has ordered the United States meant to stop producing pennies.

Slow down there, Captain. In a few hours, Americans are going to need those pennies after you crash our economy.

Trump decided to get rid of the penny, partly because the penny costs more to make than it's actually worth, but mostly because

Lincoln freed the slaves. Trump also announced that he is going to impose a 25% tariff on all steel

and aluminum imports. So if you're watching around the world and your country is a steel producer, brace yourself.

Tomorrow he's going to reverse the tariffs.

Homeland Security Secretary Christine Nome said Sunday that she recommended a Donald Trump,

that he get rid of FEMA, calling FEMA untrainable and worthless.

She offered to take FEMA to the gravel pit and shoot it in the face while her kids watched.

Then Trump explained FEMA is the federal emergency management agency, not the name of Baron and Melania's Italian Greyhound.

Actually, they don't have an Italian greyhound, but if they did, Melania would name it FEMA.

Apparently, I have been misquoted. I never said the Super Bowl was stupid. I said the people

who watch it are, like this guy, Donald Trump, who just became the first sitting president ever to attend a Super Bowl.

The Eagles asked Trump to come because what better way to celebrate the tush push than by inviting the world's biggest ass.

Look at Trump arriving inside the Caesar Superdome in New Orleans.

There he is answering the age-old question,

what if chronic traumatic encephalopathy wore a suit and a red tie?

Trump wanted to be at the Super Bowl because the Super Bowl is communal.

It's something our entire country gets to share at the same exact time, like COVID.

Donald Trump predicted the Kansas City Chiefs would win,

so of course the Eagles defeated the Chiefs 40 to 22.

He knows how to pick them.

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