The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Wait a second. I have some. I have some. Let me turn myself up. Hello. Okay. I have some things to do okay right at the top of the hour

i have some things to do and i have a lot to say what's new first of all i'm recording this on

saturday at seven in the morning because i have somewhere to be. Imagine that. I have something to do

besides all of you. Yeah, I might have a lot to say, but also I'm in a contract. I don't want

to be here. I'll be hit. I'll be served. I'll be given some kind of lethal paperwork that's going to want money from me.

Who doesn't want money from me?

So no, I have to come here and deliver week after week.

Imagine the pressure.

Imagine how I feel.

It's too much to bear right on my head.

It's going to squish my skull into a pancake if you don't do it first. But

anyways, so good morning. Here's my coffee mug. I don't know if you guys have seen this one.

It's Girls Weekend, Toes in the Sand. Isn't that nice? I got it on our first trip to the Hamptons. It's four girls. This, which one's me?

This one's me in the yellow. Here, a nice little leg cross red here. I've always said I wanted to dye my

red, maybe when I'm going through a midlife crisis because that's when people dye their hair red, and then this one's Robbie, the one in the

shorts, in the little hat. And then this one, and this one, this one's Rosie O'Donnell, and this one's

Sylvia Plath, and those are our lesbian couple friends, but they're new. They just started

fucking, they just started. Slip to finger in,

if you know what I mean, because that's fucking in lesbian culture and that's the way we like it.

Because in that singular finger, you'll feel more intimacy, more love and emotion than you've ever felt

with that flaccid little ant eater coming at your belly button.

...