Democrats and other pestilential nudnics are still trying to solve the impenetrable mystery

of how their presidential candidate lost to someone as horrible as they pretended Donald Trump was.

Chairman of the Democrat National Committee, Vladimir Jihad, recently discussed the issue on a Zoom call

with a group of masked rioters and financial conmen

called Black Lives Matter unless they don't. Mr. Jihad, who usually identifies as a woman

except at this time of month when he feels the cramps just aren't worth it, told the group,

quote, like many of you, I've been trying to unravel the puzzling riddle of how anyone

could reject the Democrat Party. After weeks of reflection, I've been trying to unravel the puzzling riddle of how anyone could reject the

Democrat Party. After weeks of reflection, I began to wonder if it was because we burned down

cities, mismanaged wars, mutilated children, and allowed criminals to pour across our borders.

But then I thought, nah, it must be the fault of the voters. Sure, there was terrible

inflation, higher crime, and more global

threats, but that was just in real life. On the news, everything was great. The problem was that

instead of getting the facts from trusted sources like NBC and the New York Times, voters were swamped

with misinformation from social media and their wallets and the sad, hungry faces of their children

and their own eyes. We have to work harder to keep that misinformation from spreading by

repeatedly calling people racist until they're intimidated into silence. We just haven't done

enough of that, unquote. Despite the gloomy outcome, the Zoom call was immediately followed by a celebratory gala,

during which the participants fondly relived the party's glory days by burning Minneapolis to the ground again.

To investigate further, the Daily Wire dispatched Crack reporter Spencer Crack to Hawaii,

where he entered the tickey-tacky lounge, quickly downed four mitis, fell to the floor, and rolled

under a table in order to interview Kamala Harris, who had gone there to recuperate after her

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