Well, my friends, this is my final show before Christmas break.

So, as we approach this holiest of holy days, I would like to set all the political animosity aside

and reach out in love and charity to all people made in the image of God, also to Democrats,

and deliver a seasonal message full of lofty-sounding sentiments

that seem uplifting on first hearing, only because when studied carefully they reveal

themselves to be empty of anything resembling wisdom or even meaning.

I want to speak these empty phrases in a pious-sounding voice like this one, so that they

sound like they either come from the heart

or from one of those excruciatingly worthy NPR reports about the art of flute-making

among Amazonian Kamongabanga trimesman. Some other bullpucky you couldn't care less about,

but you can't turn it off because then people will think you don't like primitive indigenous

people, which of course you don't, but if you wanted anyone to know that, you wouldn't like primitive indigenous people, which of course,

you don't, but if you wanted anyone to know that, you wouldn't be listening to NPR in the first

place. And when I deliver these pseudo-deep-Eul-Tide meditations, I want to rely on a lot of

cutesy, unnecessarily elusive phrases like this festive season of the year or the babe laid in a manger, instead of just

saying Christmas or Jesus like any normal person. You think Jesus' mother called him the babe laid

in a manger? Like, hey, babe laid in a manger, make sure you're back by dinner time and don't forget

to wear your helmet when you're riding your bike. Of course not.

They didn't even have helmets then since it was back in olden time.

So without further ado, and before I get sick of talking like some schmuck on the classical music station,

let me get to this year's Christmas message.

You know, at this festive season of the year,

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