Democrats have hired a consultant in reputational restoration to help them bring their party back

from the political wilderness into which it was recently tossed, like an empty big gulp cup

thrown from the window of a speedy 1987 Chevy Camaro.

The reputational restoration expert is named Vladimir Impaulier. His pronouns are Wu and

who, and Wu identifies as a questioning non-binary demigurl with sidelines and interior design

and sensual massage. Le Grande Impaillet, as he's known to his friend, was most recently

employed to engineer Megan Markle's comeback,

as well as to secure the Kansas City Chief's legacy with a third straight Super Bowl win,

which he arranged by replacing the Chief's offensive line with store mannequins,

so there'd be more men free to serve as downfield receivers for the late Patrick Mahomes.

The Daily Wire arranged an exclusive interview with Impaillet at whose private

recreational vehicle during the final hour of overnight free parking outside Baltimore's

famous hustler club.

Speaking through a fragrant cloud of marijuana smoke laced with the stimulating scent of

oh so adorable perfume for tweens, the the stimulating scent of, oh, so adorable perfume for

tweens, the reputation master told us, quote, I don't like to brag, but yes, it was I,

who orchestrated the Democrats' reaction to Donald Trump's recent speech to Congress.

Notice how I had all the women dress in pink, because, well, I love pink, so it served as a personal expression of my unique inner reality.

Indeed, I wanted to have the Democrat men dress in pink as well, but they refused because they thought it would make them look like a bunch of queers, which strictly entre new would not be entirely in apropos, but say no more.

My next masterstroke was to equip the Democrats with these absolutely adorable little signs

on which were inscribed cute, candy heart-style messages that would convey their very stern

disapproval of Mr. Grumpy Trumpy's plan to make America great again, like the boorish yet

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