This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without judgment,

pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.

Hi, this is Annie Grace with this naked mind podcast and today I'm here with Brandy. Hi, Brandy. Hi, Annie. How are you? I'm really good. I'm really good. Great. So why didn't you just back us up with your story?

Like tell us kind of where drinking sort of all started for you. Okay. Well, I, I grew up kind of sheltered. My family wasn't super religious. They were just very kind of old fashioned. And, and so I didn't, I didn't know a lot of like I was, my mom kind of kept me in a bubble.

But I was very excited to break out of that bubble when I turned 18 and was able to. And so I, I think I just, I, the first time I got drunk was spring break my senior year.

My sister in law, we went to like, I think it was a virgin, my middle beach and my, my sister in law bought us like, I think it was like orange juice and vodka and jello shots and Brandy because it had to be mean.

That was my name. So, and, and I, it was me and two of my friends and, yeah, I mean, it was like just right from the get go.

I was, I remember smoking cigarettes that when I like looked in the next day, they were like broken in half.

And I, it wasn't like, I'm going to go back to school and when I graduated, I think things started. So it was, it was weird. So my first for a until like substances, I guess, wasn't just, wasn't just alcohol.

I, I had my first experience with pot when I was right after I graduated high school and, and it was a really good experience, you know, quote unquote.

And so I, I fell down like pretty quickly. I went from like, I've never done anything to like, I kind of do all the things.

And, and then, and I think I was actually headed toward like a pretty dangerous place. I was headed towards like harder and harder substances. And then I got pregnant.

And I was 19 and it was like I was just so, I was so ignorant and sheltered and I, I think I did the best I could with what I knew.

Yeah. But I didn't know a whole lot. And so I didn't, I think it did save me, I think getting pregnant, having my child saved me from going down the harder drug route.

But I, it didn't like, like as soon as I had my child, I was, I was smoking again and I was, you know, my partner at the time was pretty big until I cram royal.

And I remember he had like a bag. Oh, and we just lived kind of a life of numbing out. And it was looking back and abusive relationships. But I didn't know it at the time because I didn't, I didn't know enough to, it was sexually abusive. And I didn't know.

I didn't know that you could be relationships and be abused. Like I, I had, I just didn't know that. And so it wasn't until years later as I was like trying to process and eat everything together that I was like, oh, like I was feeling violated.

I was numbing out. And it was this kind of vicious cycle. And I thought, because I had a child with him, I had to stay with him. Like I honestly thought that. And nobody told me otherwise.

So until one day, because I had started kind of, I mean, it's a long story that I had gone, we had gone back to counseling and the counselor, I was like telling about like this, like was probably crazy stuff that he was doing and manipulative behavior.

And then I was like, hey, we're planning our wedding and doing it and my counselor listened to me and she was like, are you sure that you want to do this? And I was like, like, shot, like, oh, I don't have to.

And that was really, that was really the turning point. It was somebody who I saw in an authority position, even though she was like the exact they made this me.

It's a very different life at that time. We were both like probably 22.

...