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Heart Wisdom with Jack Kornfield

Ep. 227 – Codependence and Compassion, What's the Difference?

Heart Wisdom with Jack Kornfield

Be Here Now Network

Kornfield, Religion & Spirituality, Religion, Jackkornfield, Buddhism, Spirituality, Jack Kornfield

4.81.4K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2024

⏱️ 47 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Illuminating the subtle but crucial difference between codependence and compassion, Jack outlines how to set boundaries and live from our unique truth.

Today's podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Click to receive 10% off your first month with your own licensed professional therapist: betterhelp.com/heartwisdom

"Codependence means being an accomplice, a kind of complicity with someone who's acting in a self-destructive way, being dependent on their behavior, or supporting it somehow for your own security." – Jack Kornfield

In this episode, Jack sheds mindful light on:

  • The subtle but crucial difference between compassion and codependence
  • Trying to fix it or save someone instead of allowing them to taste the fruits of their karmas
  • Feeling locked into supporting someone's destructive behavior
  • The lack of feeling secure leading to needing to over-control
  • Needing to fix someone else's problems because we can't live with it in ourself
  • How we are all accomplices to a codependent society
  • Mother Teresa and seeking to love the world instead of trying to fix it
  • The necessity of balancing compassion practice with equanimity practice
  • The spiritual importance of disharmony and the value of suffering
  • Boundaries and the ability to say "no"
  • Ownership, possessiveness, and the trouble with believing our roles
  • The Bhagavad Gita and acting from our hearts without attachment to the fruit of the action
  • Living our our unique truth amidst the mystery


Want to learn how to follow the Buddha’s path to freedom in the modern world? Sign up for Jack’s new online course Walking the Eightfold Path with Jack Kornfield beginning March 18!

"We are all heirs to our own karma, we have created our own lives. We can love and assist others, but in the end, no one can create a life for someone else, no one can change another person's fate. We are the ones that create what will happen for us." – Jack Kornfield

"Can we seek to love the world instead of trying to fix it? It is possible to be in a codependent relationship with the ills of the society, so we have to start looking within ourselves. What does it mean to do good? Mother Teresa taught in her work in Calcutta in the death and dying centers, 'We're not social workers. Our work is not to take people off the streets and clothes them and feed them. The government could do that. Our work is to bring to the people that we touch the spirit and the love of God that has touched us. The rest of it is just the vehicle to communicate that spirit.' It's a very different way of approaching solving a problem.'" – Jack Kornfield

This Dharma Talk from 9/1/1989 at was originally published on DharmaSeed.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Many people spend their lives wishing they had more time in their day.

0:08.0

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0:13.0

What's most important to you?

0:15.0

Therapy can help you find and prioritize what matters most,

0:18.0

so you can do more of it.

0:20.0

It's a great way to increase self-awareness,

0:22.0

develop coping skills, change negative emotions, and more.

0:26.0

If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try.

0:29.0

It's entirely online and designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

0:34.0

Learn to make time for what makes you happy with better help.

0:37.5

Visit better Help.com slash Heart Wisdom today to get 10% off your first month that That's better help H- self-destructive way,

1:05.0

being dependent on their behavior or supporting it somehow for your own security.

1:25.6

Hey there and welcome back to Heart Wisdom, Jack Hornfields podcast on the Be Here Now Network. I'm Ganesh welcoming you to episode 227, co-dependence and compassion. What's the difference? And as I listened to this episode, I realized the difference is

1:35.7

extremely subtle and crucial. It is so very often our co-dependence which is not good for us or anyone else

1:45.9

masquerades itself as compassion and as I listened I recognized how that showed itself in my life over and over again without

1:56.2

me really recognizing. Co-dependence is kind of a hot word right now it's a keyword

2:02.2

as we hopefully move to a more interdependent

2:05.4

society but until I heard Jack's definition in this episode and his

2:11.8

explanation of the very thin line between co-dependence and compassion,

2:17.0

I didn't recognize all the places that co-dependence was playing out in my life and the lives of those around me, and how if we can move from

2:26.4

co-dependence to compassion and interdependence, we can hopefully live in a world where people are more authentically themselves and able to live within their love rather than people pleasing or making themselves small or enabling and being accomplices as Jack says to

2:46.4

behavior that we don't actually agree with. And actually when I was working on

...

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