I'm Natalie Lou and you're listening to the baggage reclaim sessions, a podcast about building,

growing and sustaining healthy and intimate relationships with yourself and those around you

by reclaiming yourself from your emotional baggage. Since 2005, I've been writing one of the

longest running self-help blogs in the world,

baggage reclaim.

I'm a dating and relationship coach, and I'm also author of five books, including

Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl and The Joy of Saying No.

Everything I share on the podcast will help you break the cycle by healing the past through

increasing emotional availability,

cutting back on people pleasing, creating healthier boundaries and ultimately owning who you are.

You don't have to settle for crumbs from yourself or others,

and you can give and receive love, care, trust and respect.

Okay, let's do this.

Hello, hello, hello. How are you doing? Today, I want to talk about people pleasing, specifically about helping you figure out your people pleasing style.

Picture this. Something doesn't work out. You don't experience your desired

outcome. Perhaps you've received a note. You're feeling rejected and disappointed because of how

things turned out, even though you said or did or were or gave or avoided something.

When you are in situations like this, what are your first thoughts typically about?

What is it that tends to bother you? Is it that you think about how you are a good person or a good

something? So do you focus a lot on your goodness and how it isn't fair or right that the particular

thing has happened, that things haven't gone as you've expected. Maybe you even

think about how you're good versus how the other people are bad or about how now because of how

...