And the Oh, The Oh, Good evening. I'm ABC Special Correspondent Slur Bofa. We're coming to you live from a crevice deep beneath the Arctic ice,

where our two candidates are chained to stalagmites and are slowly freezing to death. This is the stage for the long anticipated second deprogram presidential debate where a slav in a comically

oversized suit will face off against an Arab in blackface.

The two warring audience factions eagerly await to see who will emerge victorious, covered in blood, and wearing the

pelts of the loser.

The crowd is absolutely buzzing tonight, not from excitement, but because we've released a swarm

of bees into the auditorium. With election day less than two months away,

each debate is critical to win over the coveted swing voters who will decide the race,

the weabs, the furries, and the notoriously fickle moon landing truthers.

I will be moderating this evening.

My job is to facilitate a respectful debate with a bare minimum of racial slurs.

Before I introduce the candidates, allow me to share the rules of tonight's event with the

audience at home. After asking each question we'll play an excerpt from the

second US presidential debate at 1.5 time speed after which the candidates will

have one minute to collaboratively shit post about the ghouls.

Once that time is up, the candidates will provide their own responses to each question.

Each candidate will be allowed one brief rebuttal or response

after their opponent's answer.

Additional clarification or follow-up may be allowed

at the moderator's discretion.

At the end of the debate, each candidate will have one minute

to make a closing statement and beg for their life.

...