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I'm Joe and with me is Tom and Nate. We're simple fishermen living in England in the 1600s.

In between bouts of explosive diarrhea and mysteriously coughing up blood, we ply our trade on the high seas, catching flavorless whitefish because that's the only kind of seafood

the simple English stomach can digest without dying.

Eventually we're called back to port because the king decides he really wants to invade Spain and the

Royal Navy does not have enough ships. So we've been conscripted. Despite being men of the

sea, nobody wants to listen to us when we point out that we need things like food and water

in order to make the journey across the ocean because we are but mere commoners. The concepts

of weather are also lost on them and they order us to sail directly into a storm

where we all quickly die.

Though, we die with smiles on our face, rum on our lips, and inside of one another's guts.

Happy, we won't have to suffer our fate of being English any longer.

If you were any luckier, you would have just been sent to Ireland to chop down literally

90% of our forests.

...