How to be civil even if you disagree (w/ Alexandra Hudson)

How to Be a Better Human

TED

Self-improvement, Education

4.2 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 15 July 2024

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What does it mean to be civil with others – and why does this value often feel at risk? Alexandra Hudson, author of The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves, says that civility is very different from being polite – but that it might be the key to building back positive relationships across differences in society. This week, Alexandra shares her research on why valuing the people you disagree with as human beings is so important, and what you can do to be a slightly better citizen of the world.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Ted Audio Collective.
0:02.0	Audio Collective.
0:04.0	You're listening to How to Be a Better Human.
0:08.0	I'm your host Chris Duffy.
0:12.0	What do you do when you disagree with someone?
0:15.0	I'm not asking what you're supposed to do.
0:17.0	I'm asking what you actually do.
0:19.0	Personally, a lot of times I give a kind of strained smile
0:22.0	and I try my best to change the conversation topic as quickly as I possibly can.
0:26.0	Or if it's a person who I don't know very well and they're being particularly strident,
0:30.0	I will sometimes make a little mental note to say never hang out with this person ever again.
0:36.2	To be clear, I don't think that's a good thing.
0:38.2	I think it is bad to only talk and spend time with people who 100% agree with me.
0:43.6	But if I'm being honest, it is hard to push past those boundaries.
0:46.9	And I think that one big reason why it feels so hard
0:49.9	is that there aren't all that many good models right now
0:52.4	of civil and constructive
0:53.7	disagreements. Most of the examples that I see are of people disagreeing very
0:58.8	loudly and very angrily. There's not a lot of calm, respectful listening happening.
1:03.0	As a result of that, having conversations across difference feels scary and dangerous.
1:08.0	Today's guest, Alexandra Hudson, is the author of the book The Soul of Civility, timeless principles to heal society
1:15.8	and ourselves.
	...

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