How to Create a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Ferreira

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Health & Fitness, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.4K Ratings

🗓️ 10 June 2024

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Somatic trauma therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins Forrest to explore how we can create more secure relationships. They talk about the lessons they've learned from their relationship, the impact of trauma and prior relationship wounds, and how very different people can make things work. Topics include complex PTSD, how to work through disagreements, changing our model of relationships, and learning how to actually support your partner. I loved this conversation, and hope you enjoy it! You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:10: The myth of relationships solving your problems, and self-awareness 4:25: Me, you, and us 13:45: Changing your partner by changing yourself 16:45: Embracing the challenges of vulnerability 23:25: Disagreeing well, making specific requests, and holding space 33:05: Learning how to support your partner 37:40: Five different styles of relationship 40:55: Moving from trying to please your partner to showing compassion 45:15: Love as a choice, and expressing wants and needs positively 49:30: Simply liking your partner I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and If you're new to the podcast, thanks for joining us today.
0:12.8	And if you've listened before, welcome back.
0:15.2	I've been looking forward to doing this episode for literally years.
0:19.2	I'm joined today by my wonderful partner and an associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira.
0:24.2	So Elizabeth, how are you doing today?
0:25.9	I'm doing great.
0:27.2	I'm really glad that you're here.
0:28.4	Yeah, I am too, and I'm glad we're sitting down having this conversation.
0:32.6	Yeah, so we wanted to talk about relationships today and we've wanted to do an
0:36.7	episode like this forever in part because hello we're in a relationship, but also
0:41.0	because people come to you to talk about a wide variety of issues.
0:45.0	You focus on somatic interventions and particularly on helping people with trauma.
0:49.0	A lot of trauma is relational in nature, which means a lot of the time people are talking to you about their relationships, either their current relationships, past relationships, or hey, relationships that they want to create in the future.
1:02.0	And so I wanted to start by just running an idea by you
1:05.0	that I've been thinking about a little bit.
1:06.4	So, so.
1:07.8	So I think that a lot of the time people are carrying around this myth that we perpetuate about relationships, that a relationship solves your problems.
1:20.0	Someday your prince will come, you will find the person who is going to deliver your someday your and hey when you meet that person everything will just click it'll be beautiful and we'll figure it out together.
1:34.8	In my experience it's almost exactly the opposite of that.
1:38.1	Relationships reveal your problems even if they're with an incredible person. I think that we both had a lot of
1:44.4	problems that were revealed by our relationship even though we have a great
1:50.0	relationship that I'm super happy with. Yeah, no, I think you're spot on that, you know, when we're in relationship with another person,
	...

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