How to Speak to Anyone With Charles Duhigg (#58)

The Kevin Rose Show

Kevin Rose

Technology, Business, Entrepreneurship

4.9 • 2.1K Ratings

🗓️ 21 May 2024

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why can some people effortlessly connect with anyone, while others struggle to converse? Conversations are skills that can be learned, practiced, and mastered. Kevin sits down with Charles Duhigg, Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist and the author of his latest book, Supercommunicators, to discuss the practical tips to become relevant in a conversation. They cover how to master social anxiety, ask deep questions, and avoid surface-level garble. Charles provides listening techniques, ways to walk away from the conversation, and what readers can gain from Supercommunicators. Guest Bio and Links: Charles Duhigg is a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist and the author of Supercommunicators, The Power of Habit, and Smarter Faster Better. A graduate of Harvard Business School and Yale College, he is a winner of the National Academies of Sciences, National Journalism, and George Polk awards. He writes for The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, and other publications, and is the host of the podcast How To! with Charles Duhigg. Listeners can learn more about Charles Duhigg at his website and on X @cduhigg Partners: Dram: Try the Kevin Rose Show sparkling drink sampler + 20% off everything Plunge: Get $150 off the ultimate cold plunge ice bath DeleteMe: 20% off removing your personal info from the web Resources: Kevin's Newsletter: Join 100,000+ subscribers Charles Duhigg’s Books Do conversations end when people want them to? It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking Elon Musk Interview + Kevin Reboots the Old Foundation Series (#3) Show Notes: (0:00) Introduction (0:45) Dram: Try The Kevin Rose Show sparkling drink sampler + 20% off everything (2:05) Plunge: Get $150 off the ultimate cold plunge ice bath (4:22) Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection (8:30) Ways to start an authentic conversation (8:50) Deep questions: what they are, and how to ask them (10:49) “The way to think about deep questions is I want to ask you not about the facts of your life but about how you feel about your life.” -Charles Duhigg (12:00) Kevin and Charles do a conversation roleplay (14:40) Strategies to build trust in conversation (16:05) Listening method: looping for understanding (19:45) Elon Musk Interview + Kevin Reboots the Old Foundation Series (#3) (22:10) How to avoid dead ends in conversation (22:45) Surefire ways to gracefully walk away from a conversation (24:00) DeleteMe: 20% off removing your personal info from the web (25:10) Join Kevin’s newsletter (29:55) It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking (32:35) Three types of conversations: practical, social, emotional (35:35) How to handle conflict in conversation (43:10) Charles on writing Supercommunicators (45:20) The concept of neural entrainment (48:30) The role of humor in communicating (55:45) Hypothesizing what made Steve Jobs's talks hit so well (59:00) What readers can gain from Supercommunicators (1:02:00) Closing thoughts Connect with Kevin: Website: kevinrose.com Instagram: @KevinRose X: @KevinRose YouTube: @KevinRose

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is what super communicators do.
0:01.6	They have a handful of skills, but they all serve this main purpose,
0:05.0	which is to show you, I want to connect with you.
0:07.7	Studies show this.
0:08.6	People almost never remember what was actually said in a conversation,
0:12.1	but everyone remembers how they feel in the conversation.
0:14.6	They imprint.
0:15.8	Asking a deep question.
0:17.4	A deep question is something that simply asks the other person
0:20.4	about their values or their beliefs or their experiences.
0:23.7	What are some examples of that?
0:24.9	Yeah, so does that sound like an authentic question though?
0:27.8	I mean, the problem I have is that you meet someone and it's clear you don't have a lot of common
0:32.2	right away. You're like, oh, I don't have a lot of common right away.
0:32.8	You're like, oh, I don't, you're in a totally different field than I am.
0:35.3	How do you create a real bond with someone?
0:38.0	Because I think we all want to have authentic conversations with people. This week's episode is brought to you by Dram.
0:47.0	You've probably heard me mention that way back in the day, back in 2000,
0:51.0	when I was a wee lad, I gave up soda absolutely cold turkey.
0:55.0	That means nothing with corn syrup, aspartame, sugar, or any other crap,
0:59.0	but I still really love sparkling beverages.
1:01.0	That's why I'm excited to tell you about
	...

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