Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman Podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne. This week,

Crispy Cream and Punishment. Stephen and his sister-in-law, Jess, bring the case against their significant others, Joanna and

Owen.

When someone brings a box of donuts to the office, Joanna and Owen like to cut off a small

piece instead of taking the entire donut.

Stephen and Jess think this is criminal.

There's nothing worse than a box full of donut pieces.

Who's right, who's wrong, only one can decide, please rise, as Judge

John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

I'd never done a crazy thing in my life before that night.

Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle, it's called heroic?

Yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion,

it's called murder.

Bail of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

Stephen and Jess, Joanna and Owen, please rise and raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,

so help you, God or whatever.

Yes, I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that if he was at work and

saw a box of donuts he would probably just

crinkle up his nose and walk past it towards the gin. I do. Yes, yes, I do.

Sure. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed. They don't bring enough gin to office parties, that's what I have to say.

...