Is there a romantic relationship in your past that you look back on and see that what once felt

exhilarating, sexy, and validating was actually built on some pretty disturbing foundations.

How do you make sense of your choices and the memories that once felt really

right but don't any longer.

That's what Crystal Hefner, widow of Hugh Hefner,

is working out in her recent book called

Only Say Good Things,

surviving Playboy and and finding myself. There's a lot to

unpack a 60-year age gap between herself and her husband or how she was

surrounded by sex and sensual titillation,

while feeling pretty bored herself.

There was also a sudden catapulting class transition, but the access to luxury came with rigid conditions.

Crystal also became a reality TV star and was watched closely as she was figuring out how she felt about all this.

And now it's over. He's gone.

She had a pre-nup and has financial comfort from those years and a mess of feelings, including

that during her years in the Playboy Mansion, she now considers herself a

victim of abuse. You know, so hounded by the media all the time. Like it

would be, Heff was so praised. And then when he had the girls with him, we would be completely attacked.

Like, what's it like having sex with an old man?

What old balls look like?

Like, why aren't you asking this 81 year old man

why he's sleeping with 20 year olds and 19 year olds. This is death, sex, and money.

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