Hey, thanks so much for listening.

I hope wherever you are, you're doing well.

This time of year, it can be fraught.

It's always been that way for me, at least as long as I can remember.

Thanksgiving is on the horizon, and then of course Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate

in New Year's and then for me January 5th, the day my dad died.

My mom and dad used to make a big deal about Christmas.

There was always a huge tree that decorate the whole house.

They threw a big party Christmas day.

I don't remember any of that, I was too little.

I've only seen photos of it.

The first Christmas I do remember is when I was 10 years old.

There were Christmas songs playing on a Victorian music box called the Polyphon.

It had been given to my mom by Sydney Lumette, her third husband, who was a wonderful director

and a great guy.

My mom always played it around the holidays.

That sound is so distinct, it's always been the sound of Christmas in my mind.

I vaguely remember opening presents in my pajamas in the living room that morning, but my dad

wasn't there.

He was in the hospital.

And the thing that really stands out in my memory about that Christmas was this feeling,

this feeling of terror.

...