Ladies and gentlemen, a special announcement from Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Greetings, loyal subjects of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II and others.

Welcome to this very special edition of,

Cormlimey! What could have caused this to happen?

I am Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, the composer of the Broadway musical, Cats!

Now what you're about to see is an hilarious skewering of the filmic version of that motion picture. Yes! I, of course,

was involved and expected to make just a ton of money. Before you see, this special live

podcast, I'd like to set the record straight on one or two things.

There are certain things that the musical, the Broadway stage musical is responsible for,

and there are certain things that the filmic adaptation is responsible for.

Now then, the Broadway musical is responsible for not explaining what a

genical cat is, ever. You understand? Entertainment was in its infancy. People were willing to pay

top dollar to watch unknown actors, put on unitards, and paste whiskers on their faces,

walk out on stage and say, I'm a gelical cat, won't tell you what that is,

here's me name, here's what I do, and then they fuck off out of it,

and another one comes in and does exactly the same thing.

Repeat, until the glamopause grisabella is raised to cat heaven on an old tire now then here is what the

film is responsible for all dialogue we didn't have dialogue on the stage show everyone was doing

cocaine it was a break from talking.

Cockroaches. We didn't have them on the stage. We shouldn't have had them in the film.

They just shouldn't be. Taylor Swift's accent.

Jason Derulo.

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