In three, two, one.

Natalie Hodges doesn't remember a time when she wasn't playing the violin.

After all, she started when she was like four years old.

I know it was a long time ago, and you were just a little kid,

but do you remember how you felt about starting this instrument? Yeah, I was so indifferent.

Like, I didn't care. But I do remember that I loved performing from, like, basically from when

I was very, very little. And I guess the first time that I ever performed, I don't remember this.

It was like a little recital for my teacher, like my teacher studio when I was like four years

old, five years old. And I was playing a song called Spinach Green and Goopy, makes me feel so droopy.

It has two notes. And did Beethoven write that? I think it's one of his lesser known compositions.

Yes. So I was playing that and I had to's one of his lesser-known compositions, yes.

So I was playing that, and I had to be dragged off stage because I just wouldn't stop repeating the little tune-out refrain.

So performance was something that from at least when I was little, I apparently loved.

What did you love about it?

Was it kind of like the adoration? Yeah, I'm sure I loved that part of it. I think also I kind of liked this feeling that I just had to kind of get into

this zone and do something. I remember actually liking the adrenaline rush of that and I liked

the fact that there's people

there who are watching and they expect something, and then kind of rising to meet that. And then,

of course, that's what became very difficult. Natalie poured everything she had into making her dream

of becoming a professional violinist come true. But as she got better and better, her performance anxiety

got worse and worse. So Natalie was forced to choose between her dreams and her mental health,

and she would learn that there were even deeper demons she needed to face.

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