So I'm a big believer in therapy, and I went to therapy for many years. But I experienced something

that I have heard so, so many women articulate to me since then, which is that I ended up with a lot

of insight into my thought patterns and my behavior, but without any tools for actually changing

them. Now, that could totally

be down to the therapist I went to, the type or style of therapy, not being the right fit for me.

But I think it's pretty common for people who are really interested in self-awareness and

self-development to feel like they've read all the books, they've been to all the sessions,

they've watched all the inspirational TED talks,

they follow all the positive thinking Instagram accounts, but their brain is still just

doing its own thing and no amount of mantras or affirmations or insight are actually

really shifting their baseline thoughts and feelings about themselves.

If that's something you experience, I want you to know that it's totally normal.

It's not because you are a special snowflake who is horribly broken in a unfixable way.

It's because you actually just haven't been taught any concrete skills for understanding and changing your brain.

The way to actually change your brain is to become very aware of the actual literal

specific thoughts you're thinking, which shockingly most of us aren't aware of, and understanding

how to change them. You have to learn to coach yourself, to identify those thoughts,

to connect your emotions back to your thinking, and to be able to trace how they're making you

act and what you would need to change in order to get different behavior, different feelings,

and different outcomes. There is a simple system you can

use to do this. And when I say that it works on any problem, I mean it because your thinking

shapes every problem and every solution that you come up with. It's not the case that all problems

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