If you enjoy this show, you will enjoy the new novel Alice isn't dead, a standalone,

complete reimagining of this story. It's out now, find it wherever you encounter books,

or at Alice isn't dead.com.

Did I know from the first time I saw you, Alice?

It feels like I did. But I think our memories of these things get clouded.

And maybe I didn't think anything, but hey, she's cute.

That memory is so heavy with our love, it's almost impossible for me to lift it up and inspect it

for what it is. Here's what I do remember. You were not my first, but you were close.

I did in Mindy Morris in high school. Mindy and I were friends, and then we knew we were more

than friends, and we didn't know what to do about that, and then we did know.

I wanted to keep it a secret. She didn't. We kept it a secret. I think a lot of people knew anyway.

I thought my parents for sure had no idea.

Eventually I learned that they knew, and we're mostly okay with it. Later they would be

completely fine with it. In between there was an adjustment. Not everything can be all right,

all at once. Then I was in college, and me and Mindy still were together, but we hardly ever saw

each other. And then we weren't together, but we would still hang out on breaks when we were

both back home. And then not even that. And I thought, this is good. This is good. It's time to

be single for a while. Learn more about myself. I'll stay single for at least a few years, and then

see what happens. And three days later I ended up in a study group with a student named Alice.

And maybe I thought nothing much except that you were interesting and funny, and I like the way

you ran your hands through your hair when you were talking about something complicated. But now

in my memory, I remember thinking about my plan to stay single and looking at you, and then thinking,

...