Hello datables, welcome to a quickie with Julie. I was thinking about our truth about

relationships episode, U.A. and I did a few weeks ago, and there was one part of it I really

wanted to double down a bit more on. We often think that the number one skill at a relationship is communication and it's certainly is important. I'm not debating this, but I actually think there is a more under disgust skill that I didn't personally pay

attention to until I was in couples therapy with my partner last year and this is

repair because it doesn't matter if you're communicating well if the

conflicts are never getting resolved and the emotional wounds are staying

open and it goes hand-in-hand with communications I don't think it's like so far

off but it's almost like communication is the first step and the

second part is the repair that also needs to be taken.

Repair is a funny word because you think about like your car needing to get repaired or

appliance in your home and it makes sense though like I think at first I was

trying it was hard for me to like connect this to relationships but you are trying to fix something that's

broken because whatever argument or the misunderstanding or whatever happened like

there needs to be a fixing, so you restore that trust in emotional

intimacy after the disruption.

So of course the Gottmans who are kind of like the mother and father of relationships. They talk at length about

repair and I liked the definition that John Gottman used I think it was helpful to

understand a little more but he says it's any statement or action silly or otherwise that prevents

negativity from escalating out of control.

And I think it's funny that he says silly but also just any because you as a couple need to figure out what works for you.

Like it can be anything from like infusing humor after a fight. Of course it can't be like making fun of the

partner but I think you know that. Or you know apologizing with sincerity,

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