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Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Quickie w/ Julie: The #1 Skill In A Relationship (That's Not Communication)

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Relationships, Sexuality, Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture

4.5877 Ratings

🗓️ 27 June 2024

⏱️ 8 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We're told that communication is everything in relationships....but what if there's another skill that is arguably more important??? Julie takes you through her experience of what she learned through couples therapy and how it's applied to not only her romantic relationships but also relationships with friends, family and coworkers too. Related Episodes: The Truth About Relationships How To Have A Healthy Relationship What's Your Communication Style Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcast Exit Interview w/ iHeart Podcasts available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE is available for pre-order now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Meeting People IRL Kickstarter - CLOSES August 31st and get $10 OFF now through then! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dateable-podcast/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello datables, welcome to a quickie with Julie. I was thinking about our truth about

0:05.0

relationships episode, U.A. and I did a few weeks ago, and there was one part of it I really

0:10.0

wanted to double down a bit more on. We often think that the number one skill at a relationship is communication and it's certainly is important. I'm not debating this, but I actually think there is a more under disgust skill that I didn't personally pay

0:25.2

attention to until I was in couples therapy with my partner last year and this is

0:29.8

repair because it doesn't matter if you're communicating well if the

0:33.7

conflicts are never getting resolved and the emotional wounds are staying

0:37.5

open and it goes hand-in-hand with communications I don't think it's like so far

0:42.1

off but it's almost like communication is the first step and the

0:45.7

second part is the repair that also needs to be taken.

0:49.2

Repair is a funny word because you think about like your car needing to get repaired or

0:54.4

appliance in your home and it makes sense though like I think at first I was

0:58.8

trying it was hard for me to like connect this to relationships but you are trying to fix something that's

1:05.7

broken because whatever argument or the misunderstanding or whatever happened like

1:11.2

there needs to be a fixing, so you restore that trust in emotional

1:16.7

intimacy after the disruption.

1:18.9

So of course the Gottmans who are kind of like the mother and father of relationships. They talk at length about

1:24.6

repair and I liked the definition that John Gottman used I think it was helpful to

1:29.7

understand a little more but he says it's any statement or action silly or otherwise that prevents

1:37.1

negativity from escalating out of control.

1:40.8

And I think it's funny that he says silly but also just any because you as a couple need to figure out what works for you.

1:48.8

Like it can be anything from like infusing humor after a fight. Of course it can't be like making fun of the

1:55.2

partner but I think you know that. Or you know apologizing with sincerity,

...

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