4.5 • 877 Ratings
🗓️ 27 June 2024
⏱️ 8 minutes
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0:00.0 | Hello datables, welcome to a quickie with Julie. I was thinking about our truth about |
0:05.0 | relationships episode, U.A. and I did a few weeks ago, and there was one part of it I really |
0:10.0 | wanted to double down a bit more on. We often think that the number one skill at a relationship is communication and it's certainly is important. I'm not debating this, but I actually think there is a more under disgust skill that I didn't personally pay |
0:25.2 | attention to until I was in couples therapy with my partner last year and this is |
0:29.8 | repair because it doesn't matter if you're communicating well if the |
0:33.7 | conflicts are never getting resolved and the emotional wounds are staying |
0:37.5 | open and it goes hand-in-hand with communications I don't think it's like so far |
0:42.1 | off but it's almost like communication is the first step and the |
0:45.7 | second part is the repair that also needs to be taken. |
0:49.2 | Repair is a funny word because you think about like your car needing to get repaired or |
0:54.4 | appliance in your home and it makes sense though like I think at first I was |
0:58.8 | trying it was hard for me to like connect this to relationships but you are trying to fix something that's |
1:05.7 | broken because whatever argument or the misunderstanding or whatever happened like |
1:11.2 | there needs to be a fixing, so you restore that trust in emotional |
1:16.7 | intimacy after the disruption. |
1:18.9 | So of course the Gottmans who are kind of like the mother and father of relationships. They talk at length about |
1:24.6 | repair and I liked the definition that John Gottman used I think it was helpful to |
1:29.7 | understand a little more but he says it's any statement or action silly or otherwise that prevents |
1:37.1 | negativity from escalating out of control. |
1:40.8 | And I think it's funny that he says silly but also just any because you as a couple need to figure out what works for you. |
1:48.8 | Like it can be anything from like infusing humor after a fight. Of course it can't be like making fun of the |
1:55.2 | partner but I think you know that. Or you know apologizing with sincerity, |
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