This episode honors Dr. John Tar, my late mentor whose wisdom on ending therapy reflects

what I feel now as I lose him. I will share a lecture he gave on ending

therapy, the graduation, transition that goes on in therapy as someone leaves. Just like

a patient's graduation, the therapist's voice stays active in their mind. Dr. Tara and I geographically may be a part,

but it's presence and my memories of him and doer.

I am personally there for both listening to him talk

about this, but also experiencing it to be true.

In my tougher moments of life,

I can funnel Dr. Tara's voice, advice, kindness. He was a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst

who trained under Fawn's Alexander. He passed away June 12, 2023 at the age of 94 in

Scotland while globetrotting with a mind of a young man.

After his death, I had a lovely lunch with his widow of 66 years Beverly, who shared

that at one point Dr. Tar wanted to be a radio host, which was news to me, as he refused

to come on my podcast.

I believe he was subjugating his earlier life desires to be exhibitionistic for his desires to be supportive of cultivating

my aspirations and professional identity. He was still seeing clients and mentoring residents

at the time of his death. He was a citizen of the world. Born in South Africa, boarding school

in India, trips to Venice for opera and connecting with class blowers.

He had ongoing relationships with bookbinders in England, worldwide orchestral musicians, and frequent visits to France in a recent one to China with his wife.

He was my teacher from July 2011 to June 2014. Subsequently, we co-taught psychotherapy classes

together from July 2014 to May 2023.

This was around two to five hours per week

...