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I'm much nicer to my Google assistant than my boyfriend is. I say please and thank you.

I used to say thank you a lot, but the more I understood how these devices work,

I've been treating the more, like, a search engine.

My Alexa and I have an interesting relationship.

I find that sometimes I do like an escalating, strict mom voice,

but I use it to control my music and my floor lamp,

and usually my conversations go something like,

Alexa, Alexa, Alexa!

I think Alexa responds better to like clear commands sometimes.

So like Alexa, do this, do that.

My girlfriend's voice assistant listens to her and does not listen to me.

It seems like she's gotten worse at understanding us over the course of us owning her.

I call it a her, which is so weird.

I purposely make my Google assistant this gender neutral, but like male-ish voice, and I call it it it.

My six-year-old is a little bit more, understands the concept a little bit more, but it's

very hard for them to explain that somebody that can actually, like, have a conversation

with you is not a person.

...