What's up, everybody? It's your favorite pirate captain,

ship of the Riptide Pirates!

And I heard you wanted to get out on the season

to do a little pirating yourself.

So here's five tips to being a pirate.

Tip number one, make sure to keep your ship in tip-top condition.

Repair any damage right away,

and don't forget to swap the deck.

Just make sure to put up a wet floor sign.

Whoa, whoa!

Tip number two, prepare to lose everything.

And everyone you've ever loved.

Look at those around you, those you care about.

Make sure to picture them dead every time you close your eyes.

So that way, when it happens, at least you are prepared.

Tip number three, don't forget your trusty pirate hat.

How's anyone gonna know you're a pirate if you're not wearing one?

Land hoe!

And that brings me to tip number four.

Make sure you borrow any treasure that you find.

You're not a pirate without some booty, right?

Hey, oh!

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