Alice, I need your help.

What's wrong? What's going on?

I've been invited to a birthday party. I don't want to go because I'm scared of my friends, mates.

Okay, okay. We just need to come up with something that's believable to get you out of it.

So glad she said that. So I was thinking of buying a magic drug off the internet, which you take and it makes you

ill for a bit.

But basically there are no long-term side effects.

You just spew for a few days.

What else have you got?

I was thinking I could get run over, but just a bit.

And then I would be genuinely injured.

It feels extreme.

Anything else that might be a bit more moderate?

I could just close my eyes and jump off a shed.

And that's always in your back pocket.

But dare I say, maybe you could text them and just say, sorry, I can't make it.

Sorry, I don't know why I even said.

That sounds ridiculous, isn't it?

Yeah.

But you're right.

I think sometimes just being direct is the right way.

So it just comes to a set.

...