The Conversations that Bring Us Closer

Hidden Brain

Hidden Brain Media

Arts, Science, Performing Arts, Social Sciences

4.6 • 40.4K Ratings

🗓️ 17 February 2025

⏱️ 49 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Last week on the show, we looked at the science of conversation, and how even ordinary chats can involve a delicate dance of coordination. This week, we explore the discussions we all dread: the tough ones. Telling someone they treated us poorly. Demanding a raise. Taking away an elderly relative's car keys. We talk with Alison Wood Brooks about what makes difficult conversations difficult, and a series of psychological techniques to help you navigate them.

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam.
0:03.0	There's an iconic episode of the TV show Seinfeld
0:06.0	where the character George muses about a woman who treated him poorly.
0:10.0	She took advantage of his romantic interest in her,
0:13.0	treated him like trash, and then discarded him.
0:17.0	George begins fantasizing to his friend Jerry Seinfeld about what he would tell the woman if he met her again.
0:24.9	He would remind her of all the ways she treated him like dirt.
0:28.8	He would stand up for himself.
0:30.9	He would insist that she respect his dignity and apologize.
0:35.9	Since this is comedy,
0:41.0	George, of course, runs into the woman shortly thereafter at a social gathering.
0:45.7	Instead of being brave and forthright, he is meek and obsequious.
0:49.0	He allows her to run right over him all over again.
0:53.7	But in that same scene, another woman comes up to Jerry Seinfeld.
0:59.3	She went on a date with him long ago, and she felt he did not treat her well.
1:02.8	She tells him what George had meant to say.
1:04.3	Remember me?
1:07.0	I'm sorry.
1:08.5	Mary Cantardi?
1:09.3	No?
1:12.6	Doesn't ring a bell, Jerry? We had a date three years ago. He said you'd call me the next day.
1:14.6	Well, I'm sure I meant to call.
	...

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