Remember the first time you heard about Johnny Appleseed?

Heh, I do. The Disney cartoon.

Now, just to look at him, you'd say Johnny Appleseed never would make a pioneer.

He was such a sort of scrawny little fella.

Of course, that didn't phase Johnny none.

Shucks, he had his apple trees in the morning sun and the evening breeze.

I learned all about this humble, kind-hearted man who spent his life doing what he loved.

Wandering the forests and planting apple trees.

Also, people could have fresh, nutritious fruit and baked scrumptious pies.

What a tale.

I was so inspired that I ran right out and snatched an apple off the tree in my parents' backyard.

It didn't look like a Disney apple.

It was small and dark green and knobby, a mean little sucker.

But I was too high on Johnny Appleseed to care.

I took his big a bite as my missing front teeth allowed.

And spit it out immediately.

I then spent 10 minutes scraping that awful taste off my tongue.

To quote throw, that apple was sour enough to set a squirrel's teeth on edge

and to make a blue J-screen.

I still recall my disappointment.

But looking back, it makes sense.

Because if you know a little bit about the DNA of apples,

...