I'm Christopher Titus. And this is the Armaged Update. College. Don't know much about it.

I got an F on my college application. You all right? Yeah. It's just the first person of my family

to pretend to go to college. Look, I know that beer pong is a thing

and that if you're smart enough to get into a really great school, you'll be in debt pretty much

until your first required prostate exam. I, on the other hand, didn't go to college, so I have no

college debt. Instead, I was even dumber and got divorced. Way more expensive. College is a good thing.

If you find something you love, and if you go to an elite school, you will learn the secret handshake.

Give me some. And how to sail. And then you'll, you'll join the Illuminati and then

you can be in the meetings with the aliens to stop the comet that will destroy us all. I'm looking

at you, Harvard. The best of the best. Well, Harvard University was sent a letter by this man who in a

million years couldn't get into Harvard

University. I mean, he would have been stopped at the gate, stripsters, and sent to a community

college in Springfield to interview for a job as the janitor. So due to the fact that Harvard

is the learning center of our country and has produced presidents

John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Rutherford B. Hayes, who? Shut up. Theodore Roosevelt,

Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Barack Obama, and George W. Bush. Nobody's perfect. Look,

Harvard was told by Sweet Potato Hitler and the minions that Harvard needed to

change their curriculum and Harvard needed to start teaching about stuff that these guys care about,

Jewish space lasers, and how horserwormer mures AIDS, and that AIDS was a hoaxed to us

from the gay dolphins that are lying about climate change, which doesn't exist.

Get on that, Harvard.

Change your curriculum or lose your money.

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