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How to Be a Better Human

There is no “grief starter pack” (w/ Michael Cruz Kayne)

How to Be a Better Human

TED

Self-improvement, Personal Growth, Better Human, Chris Duffy, Interviews, Emotional Awareness, Self-help, Education

4.21.3K Ratings

🗓️ 9 January 2023

⏱️ 43 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

There’s one thing that connects all living beings – an experience so profound yet so common. Today’s guest, Michael Cruz Kayne says it best: “It's gonna happen to you, to the people you love – even to the people you hate. Whether we like it or not, we are going to die. For sure.” Yet despite its inevitability, it can be so hard for us to speak about death and loss. So how can we begin to open up about grief, and show up for others who are experiencing it? Michael is a writer, comedian, and the host of the podcast “A Good Cry”. Michael’s son Fisher died when he was just days old. In this episode, Michael talks about his experience and how talking about his emotions helped him heal, and shares times when humor was -- and wasn’t -- able to capture the ineffable seemingly-endless experience of loss. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts

Transcript

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0:00.0

Ted Audio Collective.

0:02.0

Collective.

0:04.0

You're listening to How to Be a Better Human.

0:09.0

I'm your host Chris Duffy.

0:11.0

I am a person who likes to talk.

0:12.0

I talk for work, I talk for fun, I don't often find myself at a loss for words.

0:17.0

Except when it comes to grief.

0:19.0

When it comes to grief, I am so often stumped about what is the right thing to say. I mean what can you possibly say to someone who has just lost a person that they love?

0:28.0

Do I try to distract them by talking about something light and avoiding the topic? Do I address it head on, do I bring them food?

0:35.6

Normally, personally, I just bring them food. My confusion about what's appropriate when it comes to grief

0:40.9

for what's the right thing to say is part of why I'm so grateful to today's guest

0:44.3

Michael Cruz Kane. Michael is one of the funniest comedians I know he's a stand-up and an

0:48.4

improviser and he writes jokes for Stephen Colbert on the late show but Michael and

0:52.3

his family have also dealt with some deep and

0:54.4

profound tragedy, the loss of their son.

0:57.5

And Michael is so generous with his story and with his emotions.

1:00.8

He really creates a space where people can talk about grief and loss, even if it inevitably means a few awkward moments and stumbles along the way.

1:07.5

Because with two other kids to care for, loss has become not only part of Michael and his wife Carrie's personal lives, but a large part of their careers as well.

1:15.9

Carrie went back to school to become a nurse and she now helps other families who have kids facing serious illnesses and even death.

1:22.3

And as for Michael, after years of not talking about his grief to anyone other than those people very, very close to him, he's now writing about it. He's talking about it live on stage and he hosts a podcast called A Good Cry, which is all about grief. Here's a clip.

1:37.0

They were born via C-section and they were fine. They were good. They were good looking also, by the way. They had to stay in the NICU which is the neonatal

1:45.5

intensive care unit for a few weeks but they were in great shape until suddenly

...

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