Welcome back to Aspastor John. This summer Pastor John is out of the studio preaching in Belfast in Scotland before returning to the States for a 40-day writing leave to finish up a book on Providence on the sovereignty of God a book he started last summer and hopes to finish this summer I cannot wait to see it and all of it the travel the book writing in this very podcast is all made possible by you. We are supported by the prayers and the funding of God's people.

So thank you for generously investing in this important and eternal work. So with Pastor John Busy we're diving into our archive of 1500 episodes and this summer we're pulling out some of your favorites about once every 50 episodes we release one that touches a nerve and touches the 300,000 play mark these are the elite episodes in our six and a half year history we only have about 30 of them and here's one of them.

Is God distant from me because I messed up because I angered him because I made choices that made him mad at me. This line of questions is actually a surprisingly common email we get from people especially when it feels like nothing in life is going their way.

The question comes in today from a listener named Kristen to Pastor John I'm writing to you because I'm very concerned that I have lost God forever.

I've been very active in our church community and about three years ago really experienced joy in Christ I felt the gifts of the Holy Spirit now is talking and singing about God all the time.

Later that year I met my now ex-boyfriend who said that being so happy and committed to my local church was delusional and that I should not go as much or listen so intently to what was caught at our community youth group.

I was scared he would dump me so I slowly stop going to church and singing and praying as much because I didn't want to lose the man I thought was going to be my husband.

While dating this man I turned away from the church I felt God was upset with me and would not take me back as I had had sex before marriage.

I was also very mad when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and I myself was having health issues of my own but now I want to turn back to God but I fear that my heart is hardened.

I feel a pain in my chest when I come to church. Am I lost? Is there any hope for my restoration again?

I'm scared that I have squandered something precious that cannot be reclaimed.

Christian I have a great hope for you I think a well grounded hope for you but before I give you the reason for that hope and invite you into it.

Let me say something sobering that at first might make you feel worse but I promise you that if you hear me all the way it will be good news.

You say that the reason you doubt God would have you back is that you've messed up so badly.

Sex outside marriage, left the church, got angry at God for your dad's cancer and all that is right you're right that's terrible that you did that.

But you describe your previous condition as spiritually strong.

Active in your church community and experiencing joy in Christ, feeling the gifts of the Holy Spirit, talking and singing about God all the time.

Now what I want you to do is consider the possibility which I think is probably the case. Consider the possibility that your spiritual condition in those good years was not as good as you think it was.

You were having many religious experiences, church, joy, gifts, singing but when it came to the actual obedience where you had to choose between the value of Christ and a boyfriend leading you away from Christ you chose the boyfriend.

Your situation was like the Israelites, Deuteronomy 13 verse 1, if a prophet not to mention a boyfriend arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder that comes to pass and if he says let us go after other gods and let us serve them you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that boyfriend for the Lord is testing you.

To know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul.

So in a sense I am making matters worse for you right this does not feel good I'm sure.

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