Why I Chose Estrangement

Death, Sex & Money

Slate Podcasts

Business, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Careers, Relationships, Sexuality

4.6 • 7.6K Ratings

🗓️ 26 November 2024

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When is it time to go no contact? In this episode, we talk to four listeners who have recently become estranged from loved ones. This episode was originally aired in 2022, and is part of a three-part series on estrangement. You can listen to the other episodes here: Estrangement Purgatory - Our episode about the contemplation stages of estrangement with a listener named Brian who is considering leaving his religious community. Estrangement’s Alternate Endings - What does long term estrangement look like? And one listener’s choice to get back in touch. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is [email protected]. Ad Disclosure in Podcast Description: A Bond Account is a self-directed brokerage account with Public Investing, member FINRA/SIPC. Deposits into this account are used to purchase 10 investment-grade and high-yield bonds. As of 9/26/24, the average, annualized yield to worst (YTW) across the Bond Account is greater than 6%. A bond’s yield is a function of its market price, which can fluctuate; therefore, a bond’s YTW is not “locked in” until the bond is purchased, and your yield at time of purchase may be different from the yield shown here. The “locked in” YTW is not guaranteed; you may receive less than the YTW of the bonds in the Bond Account if you sell any of the bonds before maturity or if the issuer defaults on the bond. Public Investing charges a markup on each bond trade. See our Fee Schedule. Bond Accounts are not recommendations of individual bonds or default allocations. The bonds in the Bond Account have not been selected based on your needs or risk profile. See https://public.com/disclosures/bond-account to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	When I was reporting for my book a few years back, I interviewed a woman named Pam Daglion.
0:06.0	We got in touch as I was looking for people who'd had major ruptures in family relationships.
0:11.8	And Pam told me about her relationship with her stepdad, George Shankland.
0:16.5	They'd long had a difficult relationship, going back to when George got together with Pam's mom,
0:22.2	and then tried to impose his strict style of parenting on Pam.
0:27.2	That did not go well.
0:29.3	She left home, and their relationship was not close, and their politics were very different.
0:35.8	She was living in San Francisco when I interviewed her,
0:38.4	someone who went to marches for abortion rights and supported sanctuary cities for undocumented
0:43.3	migrants. George was a retired tool-and-dye maker, a Baptist living in Michigan, who supported
0:50.0	Donald Trump. And then in 2016, Pam and George had to start spending a lot of time together.
0:58.9	Pam's mother developed dementia, and she started coming home more for visits.
1:03.8	And the election news around she and George, it seemed to highlight all their differences.
1:09.9	Avoidance became a main strategy.
1:12.4	They spent a lot of time watching family feud
1:15.0	while not talking about their own.
1:18.3	And then, gingerly at first,
1:21.6	and then more and more,
1:23.3	Pam and George started talking
1:24.9	about the different ways they saw things.
1:27.9	They asked each other about things they didn't get or couldn't support and listen to each other with curiosity.
1:34.9	What set them up to be able to prod and even poke each other was George said to Pam at one point,
	...

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