In the beginning of my grief, I read this quote somewhere and it said something like,

when somebody dies, we don't move on, we move forward.

And I think I was really confused by that when I first read it, when Francesco first passed

away because I'm like, I don't really see myself ever moving forward.

Like how I feel right now, it's so deep to pain that I don't really see me going anywhere

with this.

And I kind of just thought that the quote was a lie.

Matter of fact, I don't even think I really entirely knew what it meant.

In the first two weeks of Francesco passed, I was very numb.

I was just so especially looking back now, depressed and lost and overwhelmed, anxiety.

I had so many people in and out of my house.

I loved the company because anything was better than being in my own.

I liked hiding behind people because the more they distracted me, the less I really

had to face my real reality, which is that Francesco is gone.

I will never talk to him again.

I'll never hug him again.

Kiss him.

That's it.

All those years of loving somebody, gone.

We don't know why these things happen, but they do.

I remember just sitting in my bedroom, stuck in my house, looking outside my window, seeing

my neighbors walk by, just seeing random people walk on the block.

...