Working Through the “Roommate Phase" with Postpartum Therapist Melissa Fairhurst

Conversations with Cam

Dear Media

Motherhood, Cameronrogers, Freckledfoodie, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Nutrition, Parenting

4.7 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 20 November 2024

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, I sit down with Melissa Fairhurst, a postpartum therapist and maternal mental health expert, to discuss the various challenges new parents can encounter with each other during the postpartum phase and ways to work through this overwhelming time. Melissa shares how her own postpartum experiences have informed her work, what the “roommate phase” is and why it feels so permanent when you’re in it, and how these unexpected moments of disconnect can arise with your partner. We also discuss the unspoken expectations we have about our partners before the baby arrives and how that can set us up for resentment, how it’s imperative to accept that the non-birthing partner can’t fully understand the birthing partner’s experience, and why it’s essential to normalize couple’s therapy. Melissa shares tips for communicating your needs to your partner, why it’s important not to let resentments fester, and why “I” statements are more effective than “you” statements. Finally, we discuss the importance of setting yourself up for support before the baby arrives, and ways you can try to prioritize fun to reconnect as a couple.

Key Takeaway / Points:

Melissa’s work as a postpartum therapist and how her own postpartum experiences inform her work
On the usage of the term “roommate phase” and why it feels so permanent when you are in it
On the unexpected moments of disconnect that arise with your partner when you become new parents
On the expectations we have of our partners before our baby arrives
On accepting that the non-birthing partner will never fully understand what the birthing partner is going through
On the need for normalizing couples therapy
On the necessity of communication with your partner about needs, expectations, and why it’s essential to not let resentments fester
The power of speaking in “I” statements
On rebuilding emotional intimacy as new parents
On setting yourself up with support and resources before your baby arrives
On the absence of support for mothers in society
On prioritizing fun as a couple and strategies to reconnect

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a dear media production.
0:04.4	So you guys know that Joe and I have a ways to go until our boys are teens, but I know from my friends who have tweens and teens and a lot of you guys as well that the conversation around social media and technology can be a tough one.
0:17.8	Obviously, I am on Instagram a lot, but it's a bit different when you're an adult.
0:21.5	So I'm actually pretty excited to partner with Instagram to introduce Instagram teen accounts,
0:27.5	which is an automatic set of protections for teens that they've built to address parents' top
0:32.4	concerns. I love that Instagram teen accounts were built to give parents peace of mind that their teens are safer with the right protections in place.
0:40.8	Things like making their profiles private by default, having automatic contact limits so they can only be messaged by people they follow or are already connected to,
0:49.7	and content restrictions that place them into the most restrictive setting, which limits
0:54.2	sensitive content they see in places like explore and reels. We've talked a lot about screen time
0:59.8	before on here, even for us adults. So I love the Instagram teen accounts has things like
1:04.9	time limit reminders and sleep mode, which will mute notifications overnight between 10 p.m.
1:09.7	and all of those settings will be
1:12.4	automatic, so no extra work on parents. Instagram is automatically placing teens into teen accounts,
1:18.1	and teens under 16 will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings to be less
1:22.9	strict. Basically, Instagram teen accounts will limit who can contact teens and the content they see and help ensure teens time on the app is well spent.
1:31.6	And I am so down with that.
1:34.4	Welcome back to Conversations with Cam.
1:36.1	I'm your host, Cameron Rogers.
1:37.4	And today we are getting into the roommate phase.
1:40.3	I have referenced this phase many times on my social over the past three and a half years, but for anyone who's not familiar, when I say this, I'm referencing that phase of specifically postpartum, but I guess it could be any time, where you and your partner feel like roommates.
1:58.7	The love, the affection, the sexiness, the intimacy, all of it feels
2:04.8	like it's missing and you feel truly this like platonic roommate situation. I say it's prevalent
	...

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