Hi friends so for this episode I'm going to tell you about the realization that broke my numbness and

It's real deep. It's real bad and I'm going to give you a personal update about what's going on with me at the end because I'm back in LA.

We'll get there. But I discovered the block I had to feeling grateful and feeling appreciative of anything in my life.

And I let you guys watch me go through this really, really bad period for the past few episodes.

But I finally cracked it.

I sat in it long enough and I found out so much in my brain and I know it's

going to help every single one of you because so many of you related to

exactly how I was feeling. I tried to explain what I realized to a couple of therapists. I reached

out and was talking to different people trying to understand the pit I was in because it's it was bad it was like where I was like a long long time ago worse for different reasons

Again I was better off saving my money and just banging my head into a wall because the therapists didn't get it.

I tried to explain this whole thing I'm about to walk you through to the therapist and they just didn't get it.

Like I don't know how they didn't get it, but I know you're going to.

So where I was at was very numb to life, numb to everything, could not feel appreciation for shit, didn't like

anything, didn't care about anything. I could logically look at things and

see things to be appreciative about. I did not feel it. I did not feel appreciation for anything. I was a miserable buck. But your external always matches your internal. Nothing outside of me. I had no gratitude for a

fuck thing to be honest and like I said what happens external is also internal. So I sat down with my little notebook and those of you that

understand journaling get what I'm about to say. A different part of me took over but I

looked at my resistance and I asked what my resistance was to feeling grateful or appreciative to things.

And as soon as I asked that question, a very, very hurt side of me like stepped up and like just started writing and I wrote down I

literally have it written in front of me appreciate things for fucking what. There's none for me.

That was the first two lines. The little hurt side of me went at it. Like I was writing a lot more than that. But

Be appreciative for what is the part of me that spoke. It's like the hurt part of me was just so upset like be appreciative for what bist there's none for me and the lack of appreciation was more geared toward like what I get from other people and

...