Okay, I'm making his episodes so you can see the reality of a depressive episode and how bad it gets.

I'm gonna talk shit for a couple seconds. Then I'm gonna talk about how I continue going through the motions and doing shit. But when I'm in a depressive episode like this,

and the reason I'm making this video,

one, so people don't feel alone.

And two, to put feelings to words

and validate them for you because I feel like fucking hell when I feel like this.

But when I get in depressive episodes and things are down, I see advice videos online and I just get so fucking irritated like I immediately dismiss everyone and everyone's advice because I'm like you don't get it and I know a lot of people do that to me because a lot of people don't think that I feel what they feel

So I'm about to just feel it in front of you and go through this with you so that when I speak and when I give you advice You feel you like access to what you feel, right?

Okay.

But a lot of things online that are meant to help you,

actually make you feel worse.

And there was this video that I saw of this dude talking about

how we like got success and got famous and got all this and he got to a point where he hung himself and he kind of described how I'm feeling right now and he got himself off the little cord he hung himself with and then

He's acting like he's got it all figured the fuck out and the interviewer basically asked him like how do you deal with the way that you feel now how do you continue forward and this dude

Says I have certain rituals in my life that help me feel better and do things.

And he said, one of my favorite rituals is at night,

I make myself a cup of tea.

What in the fuck is that going to do for anybody? That makes me

feel even more hopeless when I feel like this is to hear someone describe how I feel and then

pretend like they have the answer and give some bullshit like I make a fucking T and it makes

me not want to fucking kill myself.

Right.

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