We just have this incredible attuned to our own embarrassing behaviors.

So if you've ever done something embarrassing, whatever it is, you probably lay in bed at night

for three nights kind of iterating over that, but no one else is paying attention to you as

much as we pay attention to ourselves.

And we have a really hard time correcting this bias.

We live in our heads and we forget how much others are attuning to that stuff, like as it happens.

I mean, we're all the star of our own play, right?

Yeah, that's right.

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Hey, you're on here with Ella. It's your host, Ella. I am joined today by Tessa West,

who wrote the most fun book I've read recently called Jerks at Work. Tessa, you had me at

hello. How are you? I'm doing great. Could you tell everybody who you are and what you do?

Yes. So I am a social psychology professor at New York University and I study uncomfortable social interactions.

Everything from asking for feedback to telling your boss that they're terrible at their job to breaking up with somebody at work.

You know, getting them off your team, all of these kinds of uncomfortable things.

We study in my lab.

We measure people's behaviors, their physiology and their stress to just kind of understand

...