29: GAM029 If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

God Awful Movies

Comedy, Leisure, Tv & Film

4.8 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 8 March 2016

⏱️ 83 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On this week's episode, Eli unearths the single craziest piece of batshittery in the history of film. If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? is a gratutiously titled red-scare propaganda piece that mixes Christian persecution fetish, cold war paranoia, and baffling inconsistent accents to create the most bizarre cinematic experience we've yet endured.--- Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Also, I want to point out there's a lot of panning shots of women who are covered in blood with their legs ever so slightly spread.
0:12.0	Yes, I don't know if it was the intention of this movie for me to jerk off to it, but I did.
0:19.0	Oh, God.
0:22.0	Okay.
0:24.0	Ah!
0:37.0	God awful movie movies!
0:42.0	Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because nothing else will quiet the screaming lambs.
0:57.0	I'm your host Noah Luzonz and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back.
1:02.0	Thank you sir. Welcome back to you from vacation.
1:05.0	Yes, just got back from Colorado where the laws are awesome and sitting 989 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnig Eli. How go things with you sir?
1:16.0	You're not going to leave again, right? You promised that was just once every 40 years.
1:21.0	You're not going to do that anymore, right?
1:23.0	My current vacation schedule. Yes, yes, exactly.
1:25.0	Someone asked me what agnosticism means and I just shot.
1:29.0	I don't actually know what you said to do, right?
1:33.0	That's what I said to you. That's the note I left on the fridge. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?
1:40.0	All right. We watched if footmen tire you, what will horses do?
1:48.0	Which is an anti-communist Christian propaganda film from 1971.
1:56.0	And I don't really know what to say here. I don't think I can describe it to you other than just naming the things that happen on screen in order.
2:09.0	So probably just go ahead and start reciting the movie frame for frame, I guess. I don't think I can help.
2:14.0	Yeah, I'm from a frame to work to keep this from being a five hour episode. So Eli, how incredible was this movie?
2:23.0	This was the greatest thing that's ever happened to anyone, especially me.
	...

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