#884 - Nick Pollard - How To Stop Being Such A People Pleaser

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 2 January 2025

⏱️ 126 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Nick Pollard, “The People Displeaser,” is a coach and a speaker. Why do we feel so compelled to put others ahead of ourselves? Surely at the very minimum we should be able to prioritise ourselves. Yet it's hard. So, how can you break free from people pleasing tendencies and actually start advocating for your own needs with confidence? Expect to learn why people pleasing is such a trap, how someone can distinguish between being considerate and sacrificing their own identity to please others, how to rehabilitate yourself from being a people pleaser, why it’s so hard to advocate to your own needs, how to know when you should give up on someone and much more... Timestamps: (00:00) The Trap of People-Pleasing (11:24) Learning to Be Honest With Yourself (17:18) Why People-Pleasers Struggle to Find Joy (22:02) The Cost of Being a People-Pleaser (26:55) When Does Being Considerate Go Too Far? (29:34) How Men & Women People-Please (40:02) Why People Struggle to Advocate for Their Needs (55:37) First Steps to Correcting People-Pleasing (1:05:21) Biggest Misconceptions About Boundaries (1:18:14) Maintaining the Boundaries You Set (1:22:43) How Sensitive People Can Be More Assertive (1:31:09) The Guilt of Choosing Yourself Over Others (1:43:51) The Role of Triggers in People-Pleasing (1:47:35) When to Give Up on Someone (1:50:37) Highly Successful People-Pleasers (2:01:38) Impactful Books for People-Pleasers (2:05:15) Where to Find Nick Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Get the best bloodwork analysis in America and bypass Function’s 400,000-person waitlist at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Why is people pleasing such a trap for so many of us?
0:06.4	There's a long answer and a short answer.
0:09.4	I think the short answer to that is that we have created an environment through social media
0:16.3	really predominantly that everybody's now seeking to measure up to somebody else rather than,
0:23.1	you know, focused on this internal locus of control where you can, you can really be vibrant
0:27.7	on your own. But the way that we function now as a society has changed that. And everybody's
0:35.1	comparing themselves to people that, you know, are insurmountable. And I find
0:39.1	myself doing this too. So, you know, I worship at the altars of, you know, Alex Hermose and,
0:43.4	you know, James Smith and all these guys that I see have, you know, millions of followers and make
0:47.1	millions of dollars. They're exciting and they're fun. And I'm like, how do I get to that, rather than recognizing in myself. Like I can just be happy with where I am.
0:56.2	It doesn't, it's a really great friend who said this to me that really resonated with
1:01.5	people pleasing, which you don't have to hate where you are to want to be better.
1:07.9	And when I heard that, I was like, that makes so much sense. And I think we've kind of taught
1:12.1	people that you have to like almost hate the way that you show up in the world in order to
1:16.2	want to better that. And I just, and I think that causes this idea of how do I measure up? And then
1:21.3	how do I make everyone else around me happy? Because that's, that's really what the world is,
1:25.5	you know, kind of built on these days. Yeah, draw the line for me between that's that's really what the world is you know kind of built on these days yeah draw the
1:28.2	line for me between that sense that we that we measure up but you know people pleasing isn't about
1:35.3	us it's about optic management it's about how other people see us it's about prioritizing their needs
1:41.0	over ours what why is that important what What's that got to do with it?
1:46.6	So I think it's for me, when it was, you know, when it was more of a problem. And I would say that
1:52.2	I'm a recovering people pleaser. It's funny, those things, it's one of those things that
	...

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