Apology Deep Dive (Chapter One: Definition and Components)
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.6 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 17 October 2022
⏱️ 10 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
00:00 Apology Deep Dive (Chapter One: Definition and Components)
00:27 Apology exercise
13:41 Definitions of forgiveness
28:47 Happiness = Deep dives
35:55 Other terms in an apology
38:20 Non-apologies
40:44 Components of an apology
1:09:14 Considerations
1:26:23 Dr. Kirk's transgression
1:30:25 Sincerity
1:42:38 Non-verbal apologies
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, these are listeners. In my 25 plus years as a couple therapist, I have slowly learned |
| 0:06.0 | that apologies are one of the cornerstones of a solid good relationship or even of a good |
| 0:13.4 | life, really, to be able to apologize is such a powerful thing, to be able to forgive |
| 0:19.2 | is such a powerful thing, to receive an apology is such a powerful thing. I would witness |
| 0:24.6 | this with the couples I would work with. I would realize over time that, oh, it sounds |
| 0:28.7 | like you are wanting an apology from your partner for something that happened last night |
| 0:33.9 | or something that happened 10 years ago. It sounds like you wanted an apology, is that |
| 0:37.2 | right? And because people are afraid of vulnerability, they might not admit it, but over time |
| 0:42.3 | they wouldn't. Then I would engineer or facilitate an apology and the power of a good apology. |
| 0:49.1 | I'm not just talking like saying, I'm sorry, I'm talking about like a deep, rich, empathetic, |
| 0:55.4 | remorseful, insightful apology. An apology that takes into account your own issues. An apology |
| 1:01.4 | that appreciates what harm you committed on the other person. An apology that really plans for |
| 1:07.7 | the future, figures out, well, here are the factors that led me to committing the transgression |
| 1:12.3 | in the first place. And I'm actually, I have a plan to address that in the future. I mean, |
| 1:16.0 | I'm talking about real, deep apologies. The fact is, we cannot help but to hurt each other |
| 1:21.7 | sometimes. We are prone to making mistakes, to not reading the room, to not understanding what |
| 1:29.5 | someone else's triggers are, to being in a bad mood. We will hurt our partners, our friends, |
| 1:36.0 | our family members, our coworkers, people that we just meet on the street. It's just one of the |
| 1:41.2 | facts of life. We're going to hurt each other's feelings. We're going to scare people. We're going |
| 1:45.7 | to bother other people. And so we have to apologize a lot. Now, sometimes you don't have to have |
| 1:51.6 | an elaborate apology, but some communication that you feel bad, that you feel sorry for something |
| 1:57.6 | that you regret what you did or that you appreciate the harm or the bother that you put someone |
... |
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