In previous generations, morning rituals were non-negotiable.

Depending on your culture, loved ones might be expected to cover mirrors, cut their hair, wear or avoid certain clothing, or create shrines. Often,

there were strict rules around how long morning was supposed to last and when it was officially

over. Today, people grieving the death of a loved one are told to take all the time they need

and that anything goes in their time of deep sorrow. From KERA in Dallas, this is Think. I'm Chris Boyd. That advice

is surely motivated by compassion, but it does imply that bereavement is a passive process,

that there is nothing that can be done to help people function while they process an enormous

loss, except most grieving people have no choice but to function.

They have other people still depending on them. They have work and household responsibilities.

That was the story for Lucy Hone when her 12-year-old daughter, Abby, was killed in an accident.

Holm was as devastated as any parent would be. Her life was forever divided into two eras before

Abby's death and after it. But she had other children and a spouse who needed her more than ever,

and together they managed to survive that loss and find meaning in the new era of their lives.

Stories like Lucy Hones are often told as if her family's response was extraordinary. But what she wants Saul to understand is that it wasn't. Most grieving people are able to find their way back to the sense that their own lives are still worth living.

Lucy Hone is co-director of coping with loss and the Institute of Wellbeing and Resilience, adjunct professor at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Canterbury,

and a columnist for psychology today.

She's also author of the book Resilient Grieving,

How to Find Your Way Through a Devastating Loss,

finding strength and embracing life after a loss that changes everything.

Lucy, welcome to think.

Hello there. Thank you so much for inviting me along today, Chris. I'm delighted to be here with you.

I want to make sure we all understand this. When your daughter died, you didn't know whether your

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